First Friday of Advent: Bittersweet
“Truly, truly I say to you that you will weep and mourn, but the world will rejoice; you will grieve, but your grief will be turned into joy! Whenever a woman is in labor she has pain, because her hour has come; but when she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy that a child has been born into the world. Therefore you too have grief now; but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice, and no one is going to take your joy away from you.”
—John 16:20-22
Life can oftentimes be bittersweet, like dark chocolate. And this season I’ve been in has been a bittersweet one for sure!
Towards the beginning of 2024, I felt like God was preparing me for something. As I fasted, prayed, and worshiped, weights were lifted and chains were broken in new ways. But I still knew something was about to drop.
I've moved a lot in my life due to the nature of my career path, but about six months into a new rooming situation, I was finally in a place of stability, hoping to become more rooted. And that’s when my roommate asked to meet to talk about something serious.
My fears were confirmed when she told me she was moving out at the end of the month. She had found an apartment closer to her parents’ house and it was only big enough for one person. She was planning on meeting the landlord to pay her deposit the very next day.
My stomach sank. I shared my fears about how these actions would affect me, but I also told her that I couldn’t control what she did. And that was true.
I had no clue what I was going to do. I could barely afford my half of the rent and utilities, so there was no way I could afford to continue to live in my current place on my own—and I didn’t know anyone who might take her half of the rent.
I was also angry, feeling a bit blindsided with a whole situation I didn’t feel like I had the bandwidth for at the moment.
So for the next two weeks, I continued to fast and pray before trying to take things into my own hands. I didn’t want to take any rash actions. Things were a bit awkward with my roommate. She was excited to start this new adventure, and I felt abandoned, even as we both had to sort and pack up our lives again.
After exploring several options, I did the very last thing I wanted to do.
My parents had kindly offered me the option to move back in with them for a bit until I figured out my next move. I had nowhere else to go. So I finally broke down, swallowed my pride, and became a stereotypical millennial—30 years old and moving back in with my parents. WHAT?!?!
Two weeks later, I set out on my next trip with students—my work with the CCO involves taking college students on adventure trips we like to call “transformative opportunities.” What a shift! That trip in particular required a lot of care and hospitality as God healed students’ hearts, minds, and bodies through our time together.
I’ve noticed this pattern over the past year: every time I’m about to go on an impactful trip with students, life gets a little crazy beforehand. And as I navigate through those moments, I am better equipped for the work God is using me to do and the conversations I will have.
All of this is bittersweet.
I’m trying to keep this in mind as I walk through this Advent season, still living with my parents and still doing this beautiful and messy work God has called me to do. We have an image of the little baby Jesus lying in a tiny tidy manager, but we don’t always want to face the complications that were present, then and now.
I haven’t personally experienced childbirth yet, but I know it’s a mix of pain and blood, joy and relief. Mary had to carry this weight, just as someday her beloved son would carry his cross with this promise—you have grief now; but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice, and no one is going to take your joy away from you.
While I personally hate things that are hard and painful, I also know that without them, the joy or hope I love can’t truly be birthed. So I am choosing to sit and be present in this messy season of Advent. I’m remembering to feel it all—the good, the bad, and the ugly!—and to also give it all to Jesus.
He can handle the bittersweet. He will give us his joy.
—Krystal Gwynn reaches students through her role as a CCO XD Resource Specialist with the Department of Transformative Opportunities.
—John 16:20-22
Life can oftentimes be bittersweet, like dark chocolate. And this season I’ve been in has been a bittersweet one for sure!
Towards the beginning of 2024, I felt like God was preparing me for something. As I fasted, prayed, and worshiped, weights were lifted and chains were broken in new ways. But I still knew something was about to drop.
I've moved a lot in my life due to the nature of my career path, but about six months into a new rooming situation, I was finally in a place of stability, hoping to become more rooted. And that’s when my roommate asked to meet to talk about something serious.
My fears were confirmed when she told me she was moving out at the end of the month. She had found an apartment closer to her parents’ house and it was only big enough for one person. She was planning on meeting the landlord to pay her deposit the very next day.
My stomach sank. I shared my fears about how these actions would affect me, but I also told her that I couldn’t control what she did. And that was true.
I had no clue what I was going to do. I could barely afford my half of the rent and utilities, so there was no way I could afford to continue to live in my current place on my own—and I didn’t know anyone who might take her half of the rent.
I was also angry, feeling a bit blindsided with a whole situation I didn’t feel like I had the bandwidth for at the moment.
So for the next two weeks, I continued to fast and pray before trying to take things into my own hands. I didn’t want to take any rash actions. Things were a bit awkward with my roommate. She was excited to start this new adventure, and I felt abandoned, even as we both had to sort and pack up our lives again.
After exploring several options, I did the very last thing I wanted to do.
My parents had kindly offered me the option to move back in with them for a bit until I figured out my next move. I had nowhere else to go. So I finally broke down, swallowed my pride, and became a stereotypical millennial—30 years old and moving back in with my parents. WHAT?!?!
Two weeks later, I set out on my next trip with students—my work with the CCO involves taking college students on adventure trips we like to call “transformative opportunities.” What a shift! That trip in particular required a lot of care and hospitality as God healed students’ hearts, minds, and bodies through our time together.
I’ve noticed this pattern over the past year: every time I’m about to go on an impactful trip with students, life gets a little crazy beforehand. And as I navigate through those moments, I am better equipped for the work God is using me to do and the conversations I will have.
All of this is bittersweet.
I’m trying to keep this in mind as I walk through this Advent season, still living with my parents and still doing this beautiful and messy work God has called me to do. We have an image of the little baby Jesus lying in a tiny tidy manager, but we don’t always want to face the complications that were present, then and now.
I haven’t personally experienced childbirth yet, but I know it’s a mix of pain and blood, joy and relief. Mary had to carry this weight, just as someday her beloved son would carry his cross with this promise—you have grief now; but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice, and no one is going to take your joy away from you.
While I personally hate things that are hard and painful, I also know that without them, the joy or hope I love can’t truly be birthed. So I am choosing to sit and be present in this messy season of Advent. I’m remembering to feel it all—the good, the bad, and the ugly!—and to also give it all to Jesus.
He can handle the bittersweet. He will give us his joy.
—Krystal Gwynn reaches students through her role as a CCO XD Resource Specialist with the Department of Transformative Opportunities.