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Doubt

During my sophomore year, I began taking classes in religion, which raised questions about my faith and Christianity as a whole.

After several months, questions turned into doubts and doubts turned into a complete denial of God’s existence. My conversations with [CCO staff member] Jamie undoubtedly saved my faith.  There was a point when I just had a change of heart, something felt inexplicably different. The doubts that plagued me before just somehow seemed to no longer be able to penetrate.

I was raised in the Church and have been around Christians my entire life, but I have never seen such deep faith or passionate love for Christ that I’ve witnessed in Jamie and other leaders involved in the campus ministry. Seeing that has made me desire the same type of relationship with Jesus and has shown me the tremendous results of allowing such a relationship to overtake every area of life.

After this last Jubilee, I just see the cry for God everywhere—in professors, in friends, in family members, in conferences on recidivism, in sociological theory. I now view the world and my vocational options in a significantly less selfish way. I think I would like to work somewhere in the realm of government. I have a super broad and massive dream to see this nation transformed in every way—politically, socially, and economically, pleasing to God and serving as an example and active participant in the transformation of all other nations.  

I’m the type of person who wants to take on every wrong and fix it or else I’d consider the entire mission a failure. But during lessons taught at our fellowship group and Jubilee, I’ve been able to rest easy in who God is and what He’s done and will do. I will strive to do my best in all I am involved in for His glory and Kingdom’s work. But in the end, He will make good of all I bring before Him, even though I won’t be able to solve all of the world’s problems. Understanding and living in that hope has made an incredible difference in every area of my life.”

Nicole is a senior sociology major at Washington & Jefferson College.